Red Bull: Beverage of Satan

Or "Beverage of the Balrog," if you roll that way. Whatever.

Red Bull is an energy drink that contains triple the caffeine of Coke. And 2 tablespoons of sugar per can. This post is meant to convince you that Red Bull is an evil, evil drink that you should never, ever consume again. Let's begin.

Proof #1: Red Bull is killing the planet

Red Bull Corporation recently admitted to breaking British recycling laws for 8 years. Why? To save about $300,000. The fine for the crime? $450,000. Ha. That's the biggest fine any recycling violator has paid in history. Serves them right for dumping over 22,000 lbs of packaging waste into landfills.

Proof #2: Red Bull is probably killing you too

Studies show that drinking one can of Red Bull temporarily gives you the same risk of a heart attack as someone with coronary heart disease. So basically, drinking Red Bull is like lining your arteries with MacDonalds cooking fat. Gorgeous.

Proof #3: Red Bull is gross

Do you know why they call it "Red Bull?" It's because it contains the amino acid taurine (taurus means "bull" in Latin). Do you know where taurine comes from? Bull bile. Yup, the liver fluids of a cow. Okay fine, so they make it synthetically now, but think about it...you're paying to drink a can of fake digestive juices. Still thirsty?